I should have posted it on holiday but I was just...

I should have posted it on holiday but I was just...


Too lazy.


LOL.


Oh well, so how are you doing? It's been a long time since my last post, yes? :)


Even though I'm still on holiday, but yeah.. It feels like holiday is already over. So many activities that have to be done. Oh yeah `WE` here means me and my highschool mates yayyy!!! We were doing a charity concert last Thursday, and you know how much that we got? IT'S FREAKING 700 AUD OMG OMG OMG!!! LOL I sound too hyper. But you know, the concert was hella great! I did performing too :D So there's this acoustic club at school, and my friend Bree is the head of this club. You're asking what do we do? Performing unplugged songs of course haha. 


Oh and bytheway, at early July I went to Jakarta and Bali. You don't knoooowww how I freaking miss this place, esp Jakarta! Though I couldn't have the chance to meet my friends, but I still could make a phone call with them. So I was arrived at noon, and before I could get rid of my jet lag, me and my mom went to my dad's house. It was weird since I haven't meet him in such a very long time :(


Well, just skip it to the part when we arrived at Bali kay? Haha. Yeah so frankly saying, I went to Bali with my mom and dad. Weird much huh? I know it too, since they divorced and now they went there together with me. And FYI, my step mom and step brother went there too. So I don't know, maybe It was like... kinda family reunion? Eww, I swear with all of my soul that it was the most awkward family gathering I ever been to. And FYI too, my step brother is a total asshole. He just 2 years older than me, and 2 years younger than Rio. But he's totally different with Rio, a 180 degrees of difference. And after a fine three days at Bali, we went home. We here means me and my mom. I cried a lot at airport. Because of Rio, and because of my dad.


You know, I feel kinda weird, guilty, etcetera etcetera etcetera to my dad. The one reason is because I used to hate him so damn much. But deep in my heart I still have a love to him. Aaah I wish I could write down all of my feeling to this blog. But it's just too undescribable. I feel like a criminal because of my dad. You know, the criminal here means like, when you just done something bad. Oh no, it's worst. Gaaah I couldn't write it down ;__;
Moreover, I couldn't have a chance to meet Rio :(


After we got back to Adelaide, everything's back to normal. Chuck is doing fine too. And now, I'm officially mom's, while Rio is officially dad's. I don't know wether it's unfair or not, and I worry about Rio who will live with my dad and my step mom :\


OH WELL! You know, I still have to live my life here. My life is here now, not there anymore :D


And by the way, I take a part time job as a math tutor at Kev's house. I should teach them math equation for mid school. Just FYI they are so dumb, so it takes an extra effort for me to teach them ;___;


So yeah, that was how I spent my last two months lol. Year 12 will start in about one month, be ready and start a new session!


XOXO

#np Speechless

Ello-u!

It's been a long time ago since last I posted here. Yeah I know, I'm not often posting here. It's because I don't know what to write haha. So, how are you doing? :)
I've been doing right these past 9 months, and at July 5th, I'm going back to Jakarta. Not a long stay, only for four days. That's too short for me! I can't spend only four days at Indonesia, because I have to meet all of my old friends, my close relatives, and Asta too as well. But I couldn't against Mom's decision ya know, she has some things to do there. Including the meeting with my Dad, my biological Dad of course, not Chuck. I feel excited and scared at the same time. Excited that finally I'll be able to see my old friends, and scared about what will happen to Mom and Dad at the meeting. I'm scared that there'll be a fight between them. Not a physical fight I mean, because they absolutely won't do that. My Mom and Dad often arguing on the phone line, and I often being their mediator. That sucks, I hate being their mediator. And I'm afraid that the meeting will not succeed. :(
Besides that, these past two months I got some serious physical problem too. With double-D aka David Dwadson. I don't even know what kind of relationship that I have with him. He's my closest friend, the very first friend that I have when first time I came here. I would like to consider him as a boyfriend, but the fact is he is not. I don't even know why we keep acting like we're a girlfriend-boyfriend couple, and il a même volé mon premier baiser! And when I expected too much from him, it's really hurting. I know that's my fault, but who wouldn't do the same like me, after all that he did? It's like he flew me high away, then he bumped me on to the ground roughly. Hurt.
Such a shame that I still meet and talk to him everyday. I just can't avoid him, he's invading my mind and my life too much.

We're Unbreakable

i'm feeling like i want to post on my school day-off lol.
well, i just want to post my current #nowplaying on my playlist hahas. it's Fireflight's Unbreakable. such a mind-boosting song :)

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight, can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger

God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been
I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can?t see to reach my destiny?
I want to take control but I know better

God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been
I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been
I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me, nothing can stop me

when your life feels so sour

so uhm, okay. i just dunno where to start.

my life sucks, yes it definitely is.

oh wait, there's one good news. i'm going to Jakarta this July. yay for that, but wheew for this one. my dad offered to pick me up at the airport. and the problem is, i'm going to Jakarta with my mom. that's the biggest problem ever, because if the two meet, there'll be something that worse than world war 2 or even there'll be world war 3 itself.

couple days ago, my dad called me. well, actually he always calls me since i moved here. mom obviously doesn't like it. when dad tried to talk to mom, it always ends with mom shouting, screaming, cursing, and crying. and me should always be their mediator which i hate the most. standing between two people who you love most is hard, i know. 

so, the worst call from my dad is last saturday. he offered me to live with him in Jakarta. i know this may be a good decision for me to take, but there are lots of things that bothering my mind. first is, my dad's new wife. she definitely is hating me, because she never wanted a child that isn't her own child. i miss my old life, i miss Jakarta, i miss every thing! but how i survive living with her and her so-called-perfect son? 

on the other hand, i know my mom won't survive without me. even tho i know that she's happy with chuck now. but still, she needs me. 

before i moved here, they offered me the same choice and now they do that again. at that time, i decided to follow my mom. because of my teen-anger and i was so emotional at that time, and i felt like betrayed by my dad who already re-married. but somehow, i miss my dad. i know that it will feel great to meet him again and hug him tightly, but i'm not sure mom will let me. 

the hardest thing for now is, talking to mom for asking a chance to meet dad. i know it'll tough, but i have to stand strong. 

ritey rena, stand up, alive, and stop crying. :)