063 - Love Song

Love takes you into a place, desolate, dreamlike, make you feel like you're in another place. It's empty when all you can see is that person. But when you've lost your love, your memories will reappear. But they burn later on. The world without that person is colorless. You keep moving cause the memories don't stop either. You keep remembering but at the end you run out of things to remember and can only see that last moment where your love dies.

Who would know that such perfect man could exist?

"I hate this love song, I’ll never sing it again so I can stop thinking of you, so I can finally forget you."

―BIGBANG, Love Song.

062 - Smile

Smile, though your heart is aching.

Smile, even though it's breaking.

Light up your face with gladness.

Hide every trace of sadness.

Although a tear maybe ever so near.

That's the time you must keep on trying.

Smile, what's the use of crying?

058 - Parfois

11/28

I'm tired.

Everyday I wake up at 5. Pray, and get myself ready for school. Then I'll have some minutes until 8 to go for school. I go home at least at 3, if there's no class that I should attend to catch up the subject material. Everyday I receive at least 5 pages of paperworks, and up to fifteen pages on weekend. I sleep normally around 10 or 12, or I sometimes stay up until 2 still doing my homeworks. I'm now all... exhausted. 

I'm human too, I don't have an endless stamina. I once ever thought to give up and quit, but I decided not to. I've already gotten this far, which isn't easy to come all the way here. It's been a year, and I realized I shouldn't have thought that way. This is the consequence that I must receive.

I have a goal, to enter the faculty of engineering in university, which requires you to excel in math and science. This isn't my mom's will or because she forces me to, but this is pure come from my heart, I want to enter the faculty of engineering.

Weird? Some of my friends said so. For a girl to enter an engineering, I got so many people laughed at me and mocked me. Well, there's this custom that a girl isn't supposed to do a guy's work. But hey, I love it and why can't I? My mom advised me to take medical school instead of engineering, but... no thanks. I just can't stand seeing blood and how the way it smells. She gave up and let me decide, but warned me about the consequence that I'll get. 

Honestly, I'm a straight A student. Since junior high I always on the top rank in class. I know everything in senior high is totally different in junior high. But I feel the obstacles and difficulties now are much bigger, now I have to do extra work to get those good marks. 

I whined and complained on how I get so many homeworks everyday, and I got no more times to hang out and play. Now I realize, I'm on my last year, final exams are getting closer, and I shall study hard. Maybe I should say thanks to teachers for giving a bunch of paperworks because that made me stay at home doing them on weekend instead of hanging out. 

You know you can do it, Renata. YOU KNOW YOU CAN. Just don't give up whenever you go through hard times. To achieve a big dream, all you need is to give all you have.